What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
