was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
