Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
