The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
