Already got asked if we're dating
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
