Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
