dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
