Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If I die, sorry about rent.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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