Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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