Sry I called you an 8
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
