youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
