fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
