I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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