ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
