just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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