You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So much Jack, so little girl.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
