I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
