Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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