dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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