after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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