so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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