Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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