Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
