dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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