You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
