You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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