who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
