Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
