I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
