So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
