Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
