I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
