i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
