I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
