What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
