bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
