last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
