Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i've created a new STD.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
