So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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