why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
