how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
