walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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