Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
