you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
