I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
