just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
