She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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