Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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