He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize