im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
