god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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